I feel like there is a moment everyday when I look at you and feel completely amazed. Amazed with how strong you are. How happy you are. And how much you've overcome.
I never have to remind myself what we were faced with upon your birth. I remember writing in my very first post about You that the doctors told us the morning you were born that you may never walk or talk, see or hear. While you were in the hospital, the future was too far away. It didn't cross my mind much. All I wanted was to bring you home. But, when we brought you home, it was all I could think about. The fear of the unknown and the devastation those possibilities brought was all-consuming for me. I just wanted you to be 'normal'. I'm sorry if that's wrong, but that's all I wanted. All the good - family vacations, walks to the park, bedtime stories... and I wanted the not-so-good too - the tantrums, the fighting between brothers, and those awful bedtimes when you won't stay in your room!
I cannot believe how much you've accomplished already. I was so worried about the sitting. Why? I don't know. I'm just crazy like that, I guess. I don't know why I didn't think you'd sit up, but I just knew it was big. Kind of like walking. I will be a wreck until you walk. OK, not a wreck, but it will be on my mind always. It's my last goal. My last "MUST" for you. Will you do it?!? I sure hope so!
For now, things are looking up! You're right on track for a 4 month old. No developmental delays yet. The chances of you having some delays (for the rest of your life, really) are quite possible because you were a premie, you were born with an infection and you had an intraventricular brain bleed. You've got a lot to fight, but my God, you just keep fighting.
We did visit the Children's Hospital this week though, to learn more about your hearing loss. You endured a sedated ABR (auditory brain response test ~ pretty self-explanatory). You were given the same two hour test at 7 weeks old, which is what was used to confirm your hearing loss, however, you were not sedated for the procedure. They wanted to test you again now that you're older (and have been medicated) to see if your loss has improved, but more importantly to determine the settings for your hearing aids, which you'll be fitted for in the next 2 weeks. (Looong, run-on sentence. Sorry.) The test was yucky! The worst part: IV's. I've had my fair share of watching you be stuck with IV's in your short life, so I wasn't present for that procedure (it was Daddy's job). But other than that, you were a trooper! You had a hard time waking up though. Apparently you like that kind of nap! Go figure. Could I get some of that for you on a daily basis!?!
|After dinner smile. On the menu tonight: sweet potatoes!|
Well, jeesh. I started this post thinking, "I'll just give an update about your latest hearing test", but as usual, my fingers got away from me once I got started. I've learned in the last almost 5 months (what?) that when I'm having a good day, I have to keep it. I have to store it in my back pocket, or simply right it down, so I can go back to it when a bad day comes. Bad days do come. Still. But, such is life. Let's hold on though, little man. We'll hold on together. We will live.